The Case for Kindness
After escaping the charming-but-devious wolf in Sondheim’s Into the Woods, Little Red Riding Hood tells us: “Nice is different than good.”
Nice is also different than kind. Kindness goes deeper than polite or socially acceptable behavior. Kindness recognizes the dignity of others, and it’s rooted in empathy — that ability to imagine what another person might be feeling or experiencing.
How Emotional Literacy Strengthens Kindness
Recently I had a chance to interview New York Times journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer about her new book “How To Raise Kids Who Aren’t A**holes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting.”
If we want to raise kind kids, we have to attend to their emotional development. “I was really surprised by the research on this,” Moyer told me. “Over and over again, I saw studies that pointed out that just talking about feelings – allowing kids to have their feelings – is an important foundation for the development of generosity.”
Emotional self-awareness is a building block for empathy, as is talking with kids about the link between their actions and another person’s reactions. “In order to be kind and helpful to someone else, you have to first be able to perceive what another person is feeling – and how what you do can directly affect another person’s state of mind,” said Moyer. “Help kids understand that there is a direct connection between what we do and what other people feel.”
You can read more of our conversation in my MindShift article, “Why Kindness and Emotional Literacy Matter in Raising Kids.”
Speaking of Kindness
1) Last week I had a chance to give a workshop for the Parent Education Series on “Raising Kids Who Are Kind and Brave.” You can watch the video here (and then go explore all the other amazing videos in their library).
2) This is also a theme I pick up during my conversation on SLATE’s parenting podcast “Mom and Dad Are Fighting.” The segment, called The “I Love You, Even When You’re Mad” Edition explores how responding to our children’s emotions (especially the tough ones) with curiosity and compassion can lay the groundwork for emotional literacy.
3) Finally, parenting journalist Emily Popek and I had an awesome conversation about the science of awe, the limits of grit & self-care, and why it's sometimes OK to do your kids' chores for them. And then she did the hard work of typing it all up for her amazing “Think of the Children” newsletter. You can read it here.
Didn’t You Have Two Books Coming Out This Week, Deborah?
About that . . . in classic 2020-2022 fashion, the container ship got delayed. But good news! The books are due in this week — in plenty of time for the NEW RELEASE DATE: March 15, 2022.
And while that might not look auspicious (Ides of March yadda yadda . . . thanks, Shakespeare), I recently discovered that the Ides of March originated as a celebration of the new year — of spring! A time of celebrations and rejoicing! This year, it’s the 2-year anniversary of the day our kids’ (and our) lives changed forever. So I’m marking this new date as a moment of hope. Because hope, love, and kindness are the messages of my books. (You can read more about why I wrote them here.)
New Launch Party Date: Monday, March 14, 6:30 - 7:30 at Aesop’s Fable Bookstore in Holliston, MA (Join us at 7pm on Aesop’s Instagram Live!)
New Pop-Up Date: Saturday, March 19, 10am-12pm at Bird and Bear Collective in Holliston MA. Bring the kids for crafting, storytime, and a chance say “hi” (and to buy the book if you want to!).
School Visits: I’ve started school visits — by Zoom and in person locally — to read my books to PreK and early elementary students. Want me to come to your school? Email: deborah@parenthood365.com
Pre-Order Information:
Click here to order “I Love You All the Time” and “You Have Feelings All the Time” from Aesop’s Fable (the best indie in Metrowest Boston).
Click here to pre-order them on AMAZON.
Cheers,
Deborah
P.S. Can I share a few reviews
I LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME
“A comforting book about the power of unconditional love that’s instructive for caregivers and young readers alike.” ― Kirkus Reviews
“An ideal pick for putting little ones to bed.” ― Foreword Reviews
“A young child experiences the ups and downs of everyday life while hearing the soothing refrain ‘I love you all the time’ from his caregivers. The warm watercolor and pencil illustrations add even more comfort to the sweet and lilting rhythm of the story.” ― School Library Journal
“I Love You All the Time helps parents and caregivers communicate the one message children most need to hear: that they are loved unconditionally. Playful rhymes, engaging illustrations, and a wise ‘Letter to Caregivers’ make this book a gift to children and adults alike. I could not recommend it more.” -- Lisa Damour, Ph.D., author of Untangled and Under Pressure
YOU HAVE FEELINGS ALL THE TIME
“Warmly allows children to understand that emotions are natural. Kids will identify with the book and the message, which has story hour potential as well as a home on the SEL shelves.” ― School Library Journal
“How do we help children make sense of their feelings? In this charming read-aloud, Deborah Farmer Kris deftly reassures children and caregivers that all emotions are a normal, healthy part of life—and reminds us to approach our feelings with curiosity and compassion. What a gift!” -- Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility
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